Friday, September 11, 2015

Good-Bye Before Hello: Ricky Perry’s Self-Justifying 9/11 Drop-Out

My buddy John alerted me to Rick Perry’s exit from the race today. He speculated that now Kasich’s numbers might “take off a little, if not big.” In his text was a quip about the remaining candidates: “good-bye before hello.”

For me, I never got a chance to say hello to Perry. Donald Trump was immediately more interesting than all of the other candidates put together. He didn’t have to use self-justifying rhetoric to establish his conservative bona fides. He just said amazing true things, bluntly and spontaneously, that we have long wished all rightwing politicians would say. Trump’s remarks have been memorable and witty, electrifying the base and framing the entire presidential race, not just the Republican side.

Rick Perry’s announcement was a litany of self-justification and conservative boilerplate. Unlike Trump’s off-the-cuff chatter, it was pre-packaged, overly-composed, and non-spontaneous. It sounded very much from his heart, but run through a processor to smooth out the grit and cover the bitterness of defeat. Trump speaks from the heart, but leaves in the crunchy granola, giving us something to chew on.

Instead, today Perry gave us pablum about his wife and his house and his kids and his dogs. If that’s what you’re gasping about after mile two of a marathon, maybe you should have trained harder or entered a 2k. He’s talking about sunsets and the real presidential race hasn’t even hit high noon.

Why couldn’t Perry just say he’s quitting? Why use a euphemism like “suspending,” as if there is a chance he will resume? He’s not hitting the pause button on his Netflix account or stopping his newspaper delivery while on vacation. He’s quitting. He failed.

Perry picked the wrong day to make this speech. He could easily have waited for September 12, and should have. Making his announcement  on September 11 was thoughtless, and says little for a party and ideology that stand for fighting for our country when things get rough. Please allow us to think about 9/11 on 9/11, and come back when it’s over to drop out with grace.

I hear the Perry super PAC has a lot of money left that it is allowed to keep. What will be done with that money? Will it be used to fight Donald Trump? Because if it is, Trump can call off his pledge.

All of the success in Texas he trumpeted — and it seems rightly so — should have been bragged about more when he was campaigning. Guess what fellas: If you want to be president, you better make it all about you, because it’s you you’re selling, not conservatism.

There’s far too much to criticize about Perry’s speech. The worst parts were his swipes at Trump, which were frankly disloyal to the GOP, and not in the spirit of the pledge all the candidates took. Perry better prepare to vigorously stump for the Trump, and not stab the man that breathed life into presidential politics while fairly beating him at the game.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Trump™ Smells Like Success... Which smells like juniper, iced red currant, coriander, frozen ginger, bamboo leaves, geranium, vetiver, tonka bean, and birch wood.

Like millions of American men and women, I want to know what success smells like. So I will be buying a 3.4 oz. bottle of Trump Success Eau de Toilette for Men this weekend. An amusing description I stumbled upon grabbed my attention and convinced me to give it a try:
“SUCCESS By TRUMP men’s cologne was launched by the designer house of DONALD TRUMP in 2012. This men's fragrance possesses a blend of juniper, iced red currant, coriander, frozen ginger, bamboo leaves, geranium, vetiver, tonka bean, birch wood.”
The “house of Trump”?! What a riot! I didn’t know there was such a thing, although I don’t know why that should surprise me, what with clothing, accessories, jewelry, shoes and watches being sold under the Trump name. Made in China? Yep. Trump is the first to express chagrin at this fact.

Don’t get me wrong; I like Donald Trump, and am not mocking him by my amusement over his cologne. I can spare $22.69, although I prefer to buy $2.99 knock-offs of Eternity, CK one and Obsession, all exceptional values. If I buy it using my Amazon Prime, I not only get free shipping, but can return it for a full refund if I don’t like it. We’ll see if perfumer Yann Vasnier did as good a job for Trump as David Axelrod did for Obama.

If we elect Trump, however, we will not be able to ask for a refund. We have fourteen months to decide, or, if you go by the timeframe to select a Republican nominee, ten months.

The price for Trump’s Empire is a little steep for me; with a suggested retail price of $62.00 and an Amazon’s discounted $52.99, I will start with Success and see how that goes.

Okay, I’m not 100% in agreement with Trump on everything (and I’m not sure I’m crazy about geranium, but you can’t go wrong with musk and sandalwood), but, frankly, if I find another Republican candidate whose positions I’m more in agreement with, I can still be certain that they will not live up to their positions if elected, and would very likely stink as a president. I trust Trump more than I trust the rest.

I’m going to keep looking at Trump seriously. So far, he’s passed the smell test. He is criticized for not being an authentic conservative — a sort of knock-off, if you will. But he’s got it all over the so-called authentic candidates, and I think he’s better equipped to do a knock-up job. A masculine scent at a good price. And if we like it, we can try the shower gel, then let loose with Empire.

Monday, September 7, 2015

The World According To Trump: “Bing-bing-bing!”

Click to view large HD image.

Trump's riff in Norwood, Massachusetts was an amazing, perfectly-timed bit of extemporaneous comedy. Here is a corrected version of a previously published transcript of his notorious bing-bing-bing moment:

How about this: Trump or Hillary?

Believe me, Hillary’s got some very big problems. If she makes it to the starting gate — which I think would be very unfair to General Petraeus. You want to know the truth, General Petraeus, his life was destroyed for doing two percent of what Hillary did.

I think it would be very, very unfair to General Petraeus. I will tell you, you know, when you look at what she’s done and how she’s done it, and the servers, and Huma. How about Huma?

OK, here’s the story. So, Huma now is one of the people that it all sort of came through Huma. Who is Huma married to? One of the great sleazebags of our time. Anthony Weiner. Did you know that?

She’s married to Anthony Weiner, you know, the little bing-bing-bing, bong-bong — “I love you very much.”

So, think of it. So, Huma is getting classified secrets. She’s married to Anthony Weiner, who’s a perv. No, he is! He is.

So, she’s married. Now these are confidential documents. She’s married to this guy who’s — and guess what happens to Anthony Wiener? A month ago, I see he went to work for a public relations firm. Do you believe it? Now, if you think that Huma isn’t telling Anthony, who she’s probably desperately in love with, in all fairness to Anthony, because why else would she marry this guy? Can you believe it? Can’t see straight.

But if you would — look, think of it. So, Huma, it is coming through Huma. She has a lot of stuff, a lot of information, who knows. So, she is married to a bad guy. I knew Anthony Weiner a long time. I knew before they caught him with the bing-bing-bing, right? And he was a bad guy then. It turned out he was a really bad guy.

So, she is married to Anthony Weiner. Do you think there is even a five percent chance that she’s not telling Anthony Weiner now of a public relations firm what the hell is coming across? Do you think there’s even a little bit of chance? I don’t think so.

Are there any women in this room who are in love with their husbands, who wouldn’t be telling them everything? You would, or wouldn’t?

No, she said, I wouldn’t but I’m in love. No, you will.

So, it’s a very sad situation. So, I don’t know — I don’t know if Hillary Clinton gets to the starting gate. But — and my primary focus is on these 16 people. You know, I have guys like Lindsey Graham who have zero.